Unexpressed anger leads to unresolved conflicts
“Control your anger, it blurs your judgment”. Time and again, we have been listening to this phrase when we get angry. Though syntactically we might be using these phrases differently depending on the culture we belong to, yet it all boils down to one simple point, ‘not to get agitated’. However, the wisdom possessed in the line is not as easy to comprehend as it seems. Apparently, anger and intellect appear to be in a contested relationship, nevertheless, there is a complex web of emotions behind. Moreover, we are taught only the damaging part of the anger. Instead of teaching its significance and relevance, we are told not to feel. And how ridiculous is this phrase, “not to feel”? It’s like telling a human not to be a human.
As Carl Jung too says, ‘Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves’. That means anger is a language that helps us to discover who we are and who we are not. It is a path to self-discovery. It also assists us in rediscovering the credibility of our own behavior. If we stop seeing it as a curse and turn inward to know the cause, we may find two potential conditions; either it’s our own insecurities or external incentives. Sometimes the angry person is himself or herself toxic. Sometimes it is not about anyone else, and in that case, one has to take responsibility. However, in the case of external incentives, a person usually has something to say but can’t articulate. Despite the reasons, the inability to articulate takes the shape of unresolved conflict which leads to neurosis and a battle begins between the conscious and unconscious mind.
When we speak our own truth, there is power. We diminish our power when we don’t speak.
Anger is not an evil but a dangerous force that can make a difference depending upon how we process it. To acknowledge this fact is the beginning of an understanding of our own deep-rooted emotions.
When we understand ourselves, we understand others too.
Nature never discriminates but we are habituated to the narrative that anger is associated with male’s masculinity, in fact, it is presumed to be a quality in a man that symbolizes strength, vigor, and potential, whereas the same amount of anger becomes a weakness in relation to women. See how the language and the context entirely shift by replacing ‘he’ with ‘she’. Besides, in almost every culture women are demanded to act in a certain manner. If they don’t fit in that box, they are judged and labeled which further alienates them from the mainstream narrative. Instead of knowing what is bothering them or what are the challenges they are facing? Society expects her to process those emotions on her own, and when it comes to males, even then women are the ones who are supposed to know the reasons behind their rage. Such gestures and understanding are appreciable. But why are women not given such assistance?
Indeed, there are men who are making a difference, who try to understand the gender concerns but they are few in number. We need more collective efforts to bring a significant and noticeable transformation. Lest males are freed, women can’t be free. And males cannot be free unless they start examining the imposed constructions by asking a relevant question which begins with a ‘WHY’? Nietzsche says, ‘He who has a why to live can bear almost any how’.
Coming explicitly to women, you don’t need to be aggressive, you just need to be assertive. And anger is something you can use as a fuel to enhance your assertiveness rather than silencing your voice. Unless you learn what being assertive is, you can neither work on your insecurities nor can improve the quality of your life. And if you can’t improve the quality of your own life, you can’t expect a man to do it for you. It’s your responsibility and you have to handle it gracefully.
Irrespective of gender, when someone is not able to vent their anger toward a person who has done them wrong intentionally or unintentionally, a sort of unresolved conflict remains within and takes the shape of toxicity. They may not realize but deep down it ruins their mental health. And perhaps, this happens most of the time with women. Due to socialization and family structures, they are brought up with the notion that they have to compromise and that’s completely fine until it harms. But if it is harming within, toleration is a shit term meant to intensify the damage. And if women are damaged how you are supposed to expect a progressive society that ultimately comes from her womb?
If you feel you have to say something, say it unapologetically. Never ever stop yourself from asserting your voice when it comes to your principles. You must never compromise with your integrity at any cost. If you don’t say the right things at right time, the emotions will pile up and add to the complexity of already complex life. And believe me, no one is bothered to resolve your war, not even the person who may have put you in such a state of ambiguity. For this reason, express your anger by transforming that anger into assertiveness. And to males, try to elevate your consciousness and you won’t regret it. It’s only with your cooperation, we can move ahead in the direction of liberation.
I would conclude this subject by asserting my voice,
‘Expressed anger in an assertive way can bring resolution and strength in one’s character’. Never give anyone a chance to stop you from voicing your opinion and more importantly ‘Your own truth’.
